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What is Domestic Violence?
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE is the abusive use of power and control over a spouse, intimate partner, or family household member. It does not discriminate with regard to age, gender, race, income, or sexual orientation. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
When a stranger on the street assaults a woman, we know that a crime has been committed. When the very same thing happens in our own homes, we may lose the ability to understand what has happened. Violence at the hands of someone we love is frightening and degrading. It is also against the law. Remember you are not the cause of someone else's abuse of you. You have a right to live free from abuse. You are not alone.
WHAT IS ABUSE?
Physical abuse is more than just battering and includes:
- Slapping, hitting, kicking, spitting, punching walls, breaking things, pulling hair, biting, arm-twisting, use of weapons, physical restraint, stalking.
Verbal, Emotional/Psychological: It is the use of words to break a person's spirit. Self-esteem is ruined. It means intense and repetitive degradation, creating isolation, and controlling the actions or behaviors of the partner through intimidation or manipulation, to the detriment of the individual. It can also encompass:
- Yelling, shouting, name calling, put-downs, threats of physical abuse, humiliation in front of family/friends, destruction of personal property and/or pets, disrespect for feelings and opinions, blaming you for situations, jealousy, possessiveness, mind games, stalking, silent treatment, and making all the decisions.
Economic:
- Interfering with your work and your ability to arrive to work on time; not letting you have a job; withholding money; not letting you keep money you've earned, controlling your access to financial resources.
Sexual:
- Sexual assault, unwanted touching, sexual comments, pressuring you for sex, disregarding your wishes, refusing to talk about or use any contraception, uncomfortable stares.
It's against the law in New Hampshire for your spouse/partner, family or household member to:
- Assault or attempt to injure you (RSA 631:1 through 631:3);
- Threaten you so that you fear for your physical safety (RSA 631:4);
- Force sexual contact or relations on you against your will (RSA 632-A:2 through 632-A:5);
- Enter your residence or home against your will if you are living separately (RSA 635:2);
- Kidnap or interfere with your freedom (RSA 633:1 or 2);
- Destroy or threaten to destroy your property (RSA 634:1 or 2);
- Follow you around or act in a way that would make a reasonable person afraid (RSA 633-3-a);
- Harass you (RSA 644:5).
What to do if
you are a victim of Domestic Violence
Crisis Services from MCVP
Protective Restraining Orders:
There is a law in New Hampshire designed to protect any adult against domestic violence. That law is RSA 173-B. Minors can also petition the court for restraining orders against persons with whom they are currently or formerly involved (in a romantic relationship whether or not ever sexually consummated).
To use the law, you do not have to be married to or even have lived with the person who abused you. The law protects you from abuse by current or former sexual or intimate partners, as well as past or present household or family members. You do not have to file for a divorce; you do not need a lawyer; and you do not have to pay any court costs or sheriff's fees. To get a restraining order, contact
the Monadnock Center for Violence Prevention at
603-352-3782 or 603-924-3600.
Violation of Orders
Once a protective order is in effect against the abuser, it is a crime and contempt of court for the abuser to violate the order.
If the abuser knowingly violates a protective order in any way, it is a class A misdemeanor that the police may prosecute. If the abuser violates a temporary or final protective order, the police must arrest and prosecute him/her. In addition, you may take the abuser back to court on a charge of contempt. A contempt hearing must be held within 14 days, and if the abuser is found guilty, he/she may be fined or put in jail.
New Hampshire Enforces Restraining Orders From Other States.
If you have a restraining order from another state, you can protect yourself by going to any district court in New Hampshire to file a copy of this order with the New Hampshire courts. The clerk will then make a copy of the order available to the police.
Be sure to tell the police if you have a restraining order from another state if you call to report you have been abused, followed, threatened, or intimidated. Your New Hampshire order should be enforceable in other states as well.
Some Domestic Violence Facts.
Facts are gathered from the NH Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
fact sheet.
- Every 15 seconds an incident of domestic violence occurs, according to the FBI.
- Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States; more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
- More than 50% of women are battered at some time in their lives; more than one-third are battered repeatedly each year.
- Domestic violence is physical, sexual, and psychological.
- People of all cultures, races, occupations, income levels, and ages are battered by spouses, boyfriends, lovers, and partners.
- Each year 3 to 4 million people in the U.S. are beaten in their homes by their husbands, ex-husbands, or male lovers.
- It is estimated there are approximately 500,000 gay male victims and a similarly alarming number of lesbian victims of domestic violence annually.
- Every year in the U.S., 3.3 million children are at risk of exposure to marital violence.
Domestic violence is costly in economic ways as well.
- Abuse related absenteeism, sick leave, and reduced productivity results in a financial loss to businesses of $100 million annually, and an additional $5 to $10 billion in health care and associated costs.
- 74% of employed battered women are harassed at the work place by their abusers, causing 20% to lose their jobs.
Domestic Violence and how it effects Children.
Facts are gathered from the NH Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
fact sheet.
In homes where violence occurs, fear, instability, and confusion replace the love, comfort, and nurturing the children need. These children live in constant fear of physical harm from the person who is supposed to care for and protect them. They may feel guilt at loving the abuser or blame themselves for causing the violence.
Many children from violent homes do not have healthy adult role models from which to learn healthy attitudes and behaviors. Instead, they learn that "loving" relationships are based in fear and pain; they learn that pushing, kicking, hitting, and punching are acceptable behaviors, and that violence is a means of getting what they want.
The most significant difference between delinquent and non-delinquent youth is a history of abuse or family violence. Boys who witnessed family violence are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in non-violent homes; girls who witnessed their mothers abuse have a higher rate of being battered as adults.
Young people in our high schools and even junior high schools are already involved in abusive and violent dating relationships. The cycle of violence needs to be broken. Adult women need to be empowered to make healthy choices for themselves and their children. Our teenagers and children need education and support around issues of family violence and abusive dating relationships, and most importantly, how to build strong, healthy relationships.
Some Facts: Domestic Violence and Children:
Facts are gathered from the NH Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
fact sheet.
- Each year, an estimated 3.3 million children are exposed to violence against their mothers or female caretakers by family members.
- Children who witnessed violence were also found to show more anxiety, aggression, depression and temperamental problems, less empathy and self-esteem, and lower verbal, cognitive, and motor abilities than children who did not witness violence at home. There is also some support for the hypothesis that children from violent families of origin carry violent and violence-tolerant roles to their adult intimate relationships.
- 40 to 60 percent of men who abuse women also abuse children.
- Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or seriously neglected at a rate of 1500% higher than the national average in the general population.
- When children are killed during a domestic dispute, 90% are under age 10, 56% are under age 2.
Domestic Violence in the Workplace: Some Facts
Facts are gathered from the NH Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
fact sheet.
- The total health care costs of family violence are estimated into hundreds of millions each year, much of which is paid for by the employer.
- Homicide is by far the most frequent fatality women workers experience at work. In 17% of these homicides, the alleged assailants were current or former husbands or boyfriends.
- Significant numbers of employers said domestic violence has a harmful effect on the Company's productivity (49%), attendance (47%), and increases in insurance and medical costs (44%). Eighty percent (80%) of respondents said domestic violence affects employees from all walks of life and affects all aspects of their lives.
- Seventy-four percent of employee battered women reported being harassed by their partners or husbands in the workplace either in person or over the telephone (today, e-mail, voicemail, and fax provide additional means of access).
- 96% of employees who are victims of domestic violence reported some type of workplace problem as a direct result of their abuse. More than 60% were often late, 54% missed at least three full days of work per month, work performance suffered for 70% of the victims, 60% were reprimanded for diminished performance, and 30% were fired.
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